Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The In Between Time
I have been hesitant about doing an update regarding our adoption because we have news...but it is not quite time to jump up and down and go crazy...and that is the news that I would love to be able to share with you! The news we have did cause me to float several feet off the ground for a couple of weeks and it was news my heart needed to hear but I kept hoping that a certain piece of the puzzle would fall in to place so I could share THE news. But God has other plans for right now. So here is the scoop; Nightlight has let us know that the sweet little boy & his adorable baby sister that we have been praying so very hard about for so many months are INDEED the children they would like to match us with! (Cue sound of shoe dropping) However, because of their unique story, we need a special document before they can officially be referred to us. So we have moved from waiting in one way. To waiting in another way. I am getting the feeling that God may think I need to learn a lesson or two in the patience department ;)
I should clarify, we don't have to wait on these children. Nightlight called us to make sure we were okay with the situation...with waiting on these 2 precious lives. We could have opted to go ahead and get a referral for a child that was ready to go...and every child there is precious and beautiful and in need of a family. But here is the thing (and those of you that know me well know this) - I have been down that road once before with adoption...the road where you don't consult God and you fight hard against His plan because you are trying to do something good and you don't realize that not all GOOD plans are GOD plans. That road ended with a lot of heartache and a lot of tears and a lot of pain that could have been avoided if I had just once asked God what His plan was. So I guess I am learning. I am learning that waiting on God is hard, but it is worth it. I am learning to listen to that still, small voice. To step back and trust that God has it handled.
I remember the first time I saw a picture of our baby girl and read her name. Something inside of me knew, something stirred within in my heart and I knew the Lord was telling me "Pay attention because I am moving in your life." I had seen so many pictures of so many children and read each of their names and each of their stories but, with this one...I flew home and opened the file on the computer and shared her story with Mike. The stirring I had felt in my heart, he also felt in his. The funny thing about that photo is, we would learn months later, it was mislabeled! It wasn't even her! It was a little boy who had already been matched with a family. But her name had settled on our hearts and we could have cared less if that photo was her or not. So a week later, when another photo and story came to my inbox, the story of her big brother - I was confused. We were only approved for one child. I wondered how I could have gotten it so wrong again and I felt crestfallen. I went home to Mike and I cried because I had felt so certain. I had tried so hard to pray for His will and not mine and somehow, I had gotten it wrong. Again. But God has "tricksy" ways, as Gollum might say, and we were finding out that the end of this story had not yet been written! Soon (and I mean, within hours soon) we found that another name was settling on our hearts and we wondered - could we adopt 2? We have so many kids already, could we take on 2 more? The answer turned out to be a resounding "Yes!".
So we sent off some emails, made some phone calls, filled out even MORE paperwork and found ourselves approved for 2 by the beginning of March! We then began praying...and waiting...and praying some more. At the end of May we got the news-that-is-not-yet-news and that is where we sit. For now :) I know that this mountain will be moved and I am pretty sure it won't be moved when I want it to.
But I know it will be moved exactly when God says the time is right.
Maybe this impatient girl will learn her lesson yet.
"But they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."
- Isaiah 40: v 31